I am not failure. Failure is not me. But this can get confusing when your identity slips over the falls-



So the story is short. My analyst dumped me this week. Well actually she dumped me 2 weeks before but I guess I needed to have the break-up meeting so I could understand this...? 

"Why dear analyst, why did you dump me?" 

As many of you probably know... the clariyfing meeting after the "break-up sentiment" has been stated... is rarely a smart idea. 
I always do it. I may even have tried analysis -  in part -  because of this being just one part of some ridiculous pattern I seem doomed to repeat. 

"Analysis, yeah, maybe, just maybe, it will help." and/or "If it doens't help maybe it will feel familiar." 

Being dumped! Bingo! Familiar!

But who knows, maybe this last spate of analysis has helped? Oddly, a year ago, I was unequivocal in my belief that psychiatry  - of any kind  - was a type of religion that needed to exit, gracefully, from its primacy in the dominion of healing. 

Where was that voice when I sat in the dumping chair?!

Anyway... Back to when I thought it would be a good idea.

Some things changed in my life. And I read the still very inspiring The Road Less Traveled and I became convinced that a re-investigation of this aforesaid "psychiatry" needed a look before rejecting it out of hand. And besides I was feeling pretty messed up. Had been for awhile and was ready - still am - to take some of my bullshit by the scruff and shake it out, look at it, learn to love it, and live with it or change it if I can. A good drill, however it gets tapped out. 

Change if you can, don't if you can't, and love whatever you can when nobody else will.

I am back seeing the therapist I saw years and years ago. This is a good thing.

It is also a circle.

Which now includes being dumped by an analyst.

It's not me. It's you, right?

i am not failure. Failure is not me.

In which case...

Analysis failed.

But The Road Less Travelled is still worth a read and a reread.

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